how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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