i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
