why didn't you poke me back
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
