I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize