barbara walters just said penis...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
