just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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