i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
