remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
