capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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