Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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