you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
