KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
