What a fucking waste of an outfit
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
