Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He? As in you personified your dick?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
