no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
