Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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