the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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