The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
