So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize