Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
