Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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