There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
