I can tuck mytits in my pants
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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