i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
