i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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