New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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