My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
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