Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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