Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
They are going to name an STD after you.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
