I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
