hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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