My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
