Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
