That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
