Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
