Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
