just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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