Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
