then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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