Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
And then my night got REAL pukey
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
