well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I need moral support for this bender
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
