Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
