That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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