A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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