Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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