I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
