Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
