I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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