So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
