I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
