I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
