im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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