Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
