and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
