my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
party gras won. party gras always wins.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
