So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
