At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
