is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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