so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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