Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
