don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
