My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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