I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
