My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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